We Are Starting A Revolution

We Are Starting A Revolution

Look people, we have the power too change the world. Let me ask you this, DO YOU REMEMBER STUBBIES? Yes, the stubby beer bottle. You remember those cool beer bottles from the 70's and early 80's. The beer bottle of choice in Canada before the stupid American long necks. Why did the beer industry change over to the long neck style of bottle? It is the opinion of this writer that is was Budweiser Brewing Co. and Thomas Sullivan Magnum. That's right, Thomas Magnum. This mustachioed, short-shorted P.I., um, I mean private investigator who would scour the Hawaiian Islands looking for Old Dusaldorf in a long neck. This is where the beer industry of Canada got their great idea. I remember Budweiser was the first to push the dreaded long necks with clever advertising slogans like; "You are cool if you drink our crappy beer from a long neck bottle." , and "You can party harder with a long neck, dude." It was something like that. I was one of those under aged teens that fell for this evil brain washing. I drank and drank and puked and drank from those infernal long necks.

It's all this guy's fault!

The reason that I am calling for this beer bottle reform is purely selfish. I am sick of drinking domestic beer in a long neck bottle. Ok, I'm a beer snob now and I mostly drink at a local brewpub and I do not drink industrial beers, but I would if they changed back to the stubby bottle. Look, I would even drink Bud or Molson Canadian if they came in a stubby bottle.

Secondly, stubbies do not cause the dreaded over flow from the drink, bring down too fast syndrome. You know, you had a hard day's rockin' and all you want is a tasty cold beer. You twist off the top take a big sip and bring the bottle down fast. Pause for a moment and "Oh ya!" then you start chatting with a hot chick, either in person or on the net, ha ya, and then the embarrassing overflow comes running down your hand. It sucks.

Thirdly, the stubby bottle has less surface area than the long neck while holding the same volume. I asked the scientist Dr. Doug Oovy to explain the theory to me and he said "You can get more bottles and cases into a semi then you can with long necks." I than asked him for the straight dope, and no big words. The doctor stated, "The long necks waste more space, so if you take that space away by using the shorter bottles and then by using less space, one can ship more and therefore use less energy and natural resources." Aaa, what? I'll never understand. Can you explain one more time? Click. Hello? Hello? Well I hope you the reader can understand Dr. Oovy's mumbo jumbo talk because I sure can't. I just like stubbies. The stubby style bottle also is a sturdier bottle than the long neck so they last longer.

I have done some resent research with some long neck bottles. For instance, if the beer is too cold you can hold the bottle by the neck so you hand will not freeze but if you are not stupid you can also put it down and your hand will not freeze. Secondly, the drinker can use the long neck to help keep the beer colder longer. By holding the bottle by the neck your hand will not warm the lower part of the bottle. This is what the beer industry would have you believe. The truth is that this drinking style has a very small window of success. After a few beer, your grip pressure fluctuates and it becomes harder to hold a wet bottle by the neck. Eventually, it will slip out of your hand a break on your feet. Veteran beer drinker Sweet Lou Ambrosia explains: "After 5 or 10 beers, you will need to slip your little finger under the bottle or glass as a steady base. Just try and drop that beer now." Thanks Sweet Lou.

If you want stubbies to come back, it all has to start with us. On the bottom of this page there is a few web sites that you can send a comment to the company. There is a short comment below that you can cut and paste and sent to the site. You can vote on the poll page (poll page, hehehe) and we will send it to the beer industry leaders. Please help me bring back the stubby bottle for the good of the world.

Cut and paste this:

Hi, I am very concerned that the bottle style of choice most commonly used is not the most environmentally sound. I believe that a smarter choice would be to reintroduce the "stubby" bottle. It's a better bottle because it takes up less room so you can ship more bottles and it's a sturdier bottle so it lasts longer. Now that is a good bottle.

Thank you very much,

insert your name here or a fake name would work too.