Later, at the hotel New York New York, I'm seated on the rollercoaster, next to Reece. Directly in front of us Kal and Flick take their seats. As the shoulder restraints slide down and lock into place, Flick begins to cry out to the attendant, although I can't make out what he's saying. The attendant, having fulfilled the duties required in order to earn minimum wage in the state of Nevada, turns nonchalantly away and presses the button that sends the coaster rolling down the track. Reece and I relax for a brief, expensive ride. In front of us Flick is coming to grips with the fact that the shoulder restraints for the two seats that he and Kal occupy are actually a single piece and only come down until they hit one persons' shoulders, before locking into place. Since Kal is a good six inches taller than Flick, Flick is displeased to find an inordinate amount of space between his shoulders and the shoulder restraint. Soon we are hurtling through the twists, turns and dives of the ride. In front of me, Flick's head is pistoning in and out of view, popping up above the headrest, sometimes accompanied by flailing arms, then rocketing back down out of sight. My enjoyment of the spectacle is somewhat dampened when Reece reveals that he tends to vomit on this sort of ride.
On into the arid day of dust and dull neon we go, cases of gas station beer clutched under arms. We tour the spectacles of Vegas, pausing to take pictures of ourselves drinking beer in front of every landmark we can find. In a quest for unusual entertainment a dubious plan is briefly hatched to go see Megadeth playing at one of the casino's, but instead we buy Wayne Newton tickets in the belief that thick gobs of cheese is what Vegas does best, so cheese is what we will buy. Tickets for the next night thus secured, we proceed to a ritzy Vegas show at the Luxor. We stand outside the entrance to the theatre trying frantically to jam cans of beer in our pockets and down our pants since there will be no bar in the theatre. Suddenly, preparations are interrupted when security guards come running over - "hey guys, guys, wait a minute. Here, take some plastic cups with you for those beer, ok." The night is lost in a haze of booze, odd little taxi drivers trying to give us "free rides" to somewhere, and a seemingly endless battle to find a place to eat that is actually open. Several travelers nearly pass out from hunger. Day Three: A Tale of Dams and Deserts A quick round of breakfast margarita's in the pool gets the day under way, and then we load into a rental van and head south towards the Hoover Dam. Our rental van is loaded with life-sustaining beer but only seven seats for the eight of us. A fierce battle rages all day long over control of the seats and gradually everyone is forced to spend time lying on the floor of the van while Skip and Kal take turns rally driving. We thunder down the boulevard, taking advantage of the privacy of our tinted windows to drink beer copiously. Suddenly Stu makes an observation. "Hey guys, that car next to us has tinted windows, and I can see everything those people are doing." There is a long moment of silence as everyone looks at the occupants of the next vehicle, then someone shouts, "beers down!" Beer consumption doesn't actually slow down, it just becomes more tactical. Soon we are out in the rocky, sandpaper heat of the Nevada desert, battling dehydration with a hefty supply of Miller Genuine Draft and a super-soaker water pistol that threatens to cause a fatal accident. We tour the Hoover Dam (it's big), and Flick begins making a torrent of dam jokes, as in "there's a lot of dam stairs here," and "those dam tour guides know their dam facts." Soon the ceaseless flood of dam jokes begins to visibly wear on Stu's patience. Sensing this, Skip makes a point of goading Flick on whenever it looks like he might be losing steam. Conflict ensues, but dissipates when everyone becomes absorbed in crucial experiments in spitting off the top of the dam, for the sake of science. Then it's back to the van to rejoin the war for comfortable seating and warm beer. |
Hunter
would be proud
Back to
 |