Adventures in (Dis)Honesty

Someone once told me that one of my defining characteristics is an ability to suffer through great ordeals without becoming bitter from them. The more I thought about it the more that sort of made sense - ordeals, some small and some large have constituted a significant part of my life. Everything from epic summer jobs like driving a packer on a highway crew (actually an easy job, but when you suck so bad that you have to struggle to keep that thing on the road, it actually becomes a bit of an ordeal - ever seen a big piece of rented machinery flip over? It's ugly. I once even managed to pack important parts of packer itself into the highway - I think the foreman was genuinely alarmed.), to "unexpected difficulties" in the mountains ("say, you didn't happen to bring extra gloves did you??"), to those grisly little moments of everyday life that make you long to crawl home and spend the rest of the day in bed.

It's really the little ordeals that make life interesting. Maybe not for you, but certainly for all your friends. For instance, I recently filled my friends' lives with hours of entertainment when I decided to try using one of those online dating services (which I think officially qualifies me for the title, poor bastard). I posted my little ad describing myself as accurately as I could and outlining what I was looking for in a woman. In university they taught us that perception is based partially on what you see/experience, and partially on what you expect to see/experience. This is an excellent argument for truth in advertising - if something is advertised as amazing and it just turns out to be ok, you don't think it's ok at all, you think it sucks. Tragically, many people have not learned this little lesson.

I received a letter from a woman in response to my ad. We corresponded back and forth a few times before she sent me her phone number and asked me to call her. She described herself as incredibly energetic and active, a person who loved to get out hiking, who liked to work out, and who liked to run although she was having some trouble doing that because she blew her knees out doing gymnastics. This all sounded fine and in order - I called her and we talked for a while. A few alarm bells went off during the conversation, the use of phrases like "battling with my weight" and "I think people place to much emphasis on looks," caused me a little uneasiness. Alright, granted these were alarming signs but I figured ok, she's a little out of shape and maybe kind of plain looking, it can't be all that bad. We arranged to meet at a coffee shop.