Folks, it's no secret that I'm a skittish bloke. I feel no shame in admitting this. It is what keeps me alive in the face of my overwhelming lack of common sense. A generalized fear of everything around me is my Yin. The complete absence of good judgement is my Yang.

Those around me see this dichotomy as a frustrating character flaw. I see it as the source of quirky charm.

As a rule, I'm generally mistrustful and somewhat nervous about everything I come in contact with. Some things, however, scare me in a special kind of way. You know, it's that deep seated fear that leaves your stomach rolling and your anus clenched tighter than…than…well, really, what's tighter than a clenched anus?

It's these things that I strongly believe are a danger to us all. Some are obvious. Some are obscure. All have been carefully distilled through years of abstract paranoia.

Below, is a complete list of these frightful things. Find in it Wisdom. Be fairly warned. Use it as you see fit. And keep this crap the hell away from me.