Karma, Universal Justice and the Misadventures of an Egomaniac - Part II

At the till she slowly rang through my newly acquired wardrobe as I cleverly waxed philosophic on the topic of Grunge and it's artistic, sociological and political importance. Suddenly, a familiar band exploded on the speakers and the conversation returned to a more trivial level.

"Hey, is this the Arrogant Worms?" I inquired.

"Yes. They're soooo hilarious." My heart skipped at the way she rolled her eyes to emphasize her point.

"They played at a little theatre in the bottom of my building not too long ago." I offered pointlessly.

"I know, I would have loooooooved" [again with the skipping heart thing] "to have seen them…" [pause - eye contact] "but I didn't have anyone to take me…"

Every bone in my body began to scream, (NNOW! NOW! NOW YOU FOOL! ASK HER OUT NOW! DON'T BE A PUTZ! DO IT NOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!) Simultaneously, my brain calmly offered conflicting advice, (Don't be greedy, Flip. You JUST started seeing a girl. Don't be screwing that up before it even starts. You can't have the best of both worlds, man! Have you learned nothing from Three's Company?!)

As my Body screamed (NOW) and my brain reasoned (Nobility), I hesitated and the moment was gone. I shrugged my shoulders and trotted back to the office.

Upon my return to work I made the galactic mistake of presenting my recent dilemma to a few friends within the office. To my horror I discovered that the unanimous consensus was that due to my inaction I was deemed a Boob. I had thought that I had acted with nobility, restraint and general responsibility. Apparently, I don't know shit.

All night I tossed and turned over the dilemma… Is a bird in the hand REALLY worth two in the bush? What if said bird in said hand isn't exactly the bird you want? Is it still worth two in the bush? What if the damn bird turns out to be INSANE? THEN it can't be worth even ONE normal bird in the thickest of bushes? And why can't you go after the birds in the bush while still holding on to the bird you've got in your hand? It doesn't seem that hard to me! To hell with Three's Company!

With that final thought, I decided to chase the bird in the bush as I drifted off into a not-so-peaceful slumber.

The next morning I awoke firm with conviction and determination. At least I think it was conviction and determination. I decided I would take some trousers in to Anthony's that day to be altered, and make good on what I screwed up the day before.