New Economy Casualty: A Diary

Day 36.

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up feeling energized and refreshed. Though the "Red Dwarf" marathon took its toll, I feel privileged to have spent the weekend with such endearing British Fantasist humour. It reminded me of my youth watching Python, when I was still a man-child, before everyone and the world betrayed me.

I thought about killing the man who collects my garbage. I don't know why, it's just the way he handles it. Like the garbage of an unemployed 20 something film aficionado isn't good enough for him. Don't worry Diary, I resisted in the end but I have started rubbing chicken blood on the garbage bags in the hopes of giving him salmonella poisoning.

Time to feed the cat. I love Mister Snickers. I believe the extra time we are spending together is cementing our relationship. I believe the possibility of telepathic communication may become possible. Let's hope!

Though I rarely leave the house, I find I go through more clean underwear then before. Go figure.

It's been 36 days since my last day at work, Diary. Though I rarely leave the house, I find I go through more clean underwear then before. Go figure.

I suspect that I am overweight. That has yet to be confirmed by an independent party. Will keep you informed Diary.

Oh, I forgot to mention. I had a break through in the job search last night. Fueled, I believe, by the creative forces of "Red Dwarf" I sent out a flurry of resumes and cover letters.

I've saved of copy for you, Dear Diary, because I know you'll appreciate the dramatic variance and comic overtures. Truly, who could resist me with such prose?

Here goes:

As an experienced entertainment professional I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself and present my qualifications and relevant experience. Having worked exclusively for the last two years in Professional Service as an Entertainment Specialist for Blockbuster Video, I have been widely recognized for my ability to place the product with right the person. And not just the obvious ones, like the fat white kid with Chris Rock moves, or the skinny Asian girl with Jet Lee, no sir (or Madam). My personal skills of personal observation have made me a student (dare I say a master?) of the human condition. And we all know what that means - wink. If there are any existing or upcoming opportunities for which I am potentially suited, please feel free to contact me by phone or email as I look forward to discussing any opportunities. At a glance these are my qualifications: I hold the land-speed record for fastest inebriated biped over a 50-meter distance. Winner of the coveted Vanguard performance award for Best Performance in a Costume. Halloween 1998. Handsome yet not dreamy. Have cried not once but twice while watching ER. Successfully coerced, bribed and manipulated subway "Sandwich Artist" into providing more Sub Stamps then was actually owed. Don't actually believe in ghosts but secretly wish that one day I might see one. DO NOT believe the Truth is Out There, it is clearly being held captive in trailer park off Route #66. I know a word that rhymes with "orange". Can live with disappointment. Ongoing if necessary.

I can already feel the responses coming back. Keep you posted.