SOYENT GREEN

This another in a line of Charlton Heston science-fiction horror story's based on the earthling's destruction of earth. First it was The Planet of the Apes, where "They blew it up". Then there was Omega Man, where Charlton is the only person with the cure for a man-made virus that has turned everyone else on earth into Roy Orison albino's and Chuck into a one man army, "did you see it, it was beauty"(Bob and Doug Mackenzie).

Drunken scrawls - A movie review at conception.

In Soylent Green, Chuck Heston (You can call him Chuck if you own at least 10 guns. I do not own any so he may try and "protect" himself by shooting me if he sees me in the street) plays a 21st Century cop named Thorn. He lives with an old man named Sol, played by Edward G. Robinson who does a very fine job in his last screen role as an aged researcher who recalls what earth was like with trees and real food. The year is 2022, the place is New York City, and the population is 40 million citizens; half are out of work and sleep on staircases twenty deep. In this film, humans destroy the earth's natural resources. The environmental erosion is so complete that people must rely on a foodstuff called Soylent. There are three types of this Soylent product. Soylent Yellow and Red are made from vegetables. Then there's Soylent Green, which is said to be made from a high-energy plankton. Yeah, right.

When I first tried to review this movie, I did it while refining the new Charlton Heston Drinking Game. These are some of the notes that I managed to scribble in my book as I enjoyed this film and drank like crazy.

Drunken high lights.

-Old man named Sol. Possible live-in lover to Thorn

Thorn: "I am sick of you"
Sol: "I know but you love me"

-Futuristic furniture is great

-Fur covered chairs
-Women are considered furniture and come with the apartment.
-Thorn comes over to the main "furniture's" place to question her. She happens to be throwing a huge "lesbo party". He steals some booze from the girls. Then he pulls the main Furniture into a room for questioning. She slips out of her clothes without a word as Thorn is talking and jumps into bed. Chuck, taking the hint, takes off his sweaty shirt and jumps into bed with this clean babe. Thorn has not seen running water in many years. Next thing you know a Red Jacket Man is breaking up the lesbo party. This does not sit well with the lesbians or with Chuck at all. You see, Thorn loves his Lesbos. The Red Jacket Man runs the building and employs the furniture girls. By our room consensus he is most likely gay, but that is ok.

-The People Scoop

The next wave in LA Police riot equipment. It is dump truck with scoops on the front to scoop up people. There is a young actor in this that becomes one of TV's favorite dads. In this role, he kills many people. One of the Lowbrow editors is quoted as saying in a drunken stupor, "The last thing I want to see before I die is Dick Van Patten".

-Police Riot Gear

This is an except from a very intelligent conversation between me and the editor of Lowcrats.
Jimmy: "The police wear baseball helmets"
Merv: "No Football"
Jimmy: "Both"
Merv: "True"

After I finished the movie. I continued to drink like I had a free bottle of booze in the year 2022 and the world was going to end. I spent the rest of the night reminiscing about lost loves and never loved. Some told me that I was a "sappy drunk love talker", but who is to say what is the truth. I remember it like I was the life of the party, not the drunk that passed out on the coach for eight hours.

Celebrate Our Charlton Heston Month with these other fine articles!
Play the Charlton Heston Drinking Game NOW! Wait. First learn the rules the article "Drinkin' with Chuck"
Fire up that printer, and get ready for a career in show biz! Lowbrow How-To shows you How To Act Like Charlton Heston!
Come face to face with Charlton's Monkey Madness with this lovely desktop wallpaper.
Buy SOYLENT GREEN now at

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