JERRY DICE

This not a game for people with weak stomachs, but it is a game for people with weak minds. It's perfect for us here at Lowbrow.

This game is based on a card game where the jerkball who draws the lowest card drinks. It may seem very simple, but it is. When we went to see Jerry Jerry a few weeks ago, El Hombre and I planned to do as much as we could to make Sweet Lou fly off the handle. I packed some dice so before we went out we could 'roll our charisma' to see if we would be popular with the ladies. Now, if you're not a nerd and didn't play any role-playing games, charisma is how other characters react to your character. Ok, let's say you are a dwarf and you rolled a 12 but you have a -3 because dwarfs are ugly so you end up with a 9. Then let's say you roll to see if you can kiss the Brittany Spears character. Since your charisma is so low (and that is total B.S. because dwarfs are cool. We know. We here at lowbrow employ dwarves at our parties to serve the guests.), you can barely scrape together enough courage, or I mean add the dice up, to kiss the Sally Struthers character, (but if you think about it she is kind of a real life dwarf.)

So anyways, sensing that the time was right and Sweet Lou was ready for a little spaz (he hadn't spazzed for about 20 minutes.), I pulled out the dice and rolled my charisma for the night. Sweet Lou throws a big girly sissy spaz. "Jesus Christ, You brought those dice so you could do that!?! Why do chicks like you guys?" (And they do love us. Flip is very popular with the teenagers). Lou always harps on the girls and he has a hot girlfriend that we all want to bang, or I mean ahh, he's very lucky and we want to bang her friend. Yeah that's right. It's her friend we want to bang. Any way, I rolled a very respectable 14, as did Shaggy D. So did Sweet Lou. Yes, even Sweet Lou rolled. Flip rolled a 12, but he also bought a nice new +2 shirt with fire on the collar so his charisma was a 14. A nice looking party if I say so myself. But the El Hombre rolled the mother of all rolls. This magnificent bastard rolled an 18. A Goddamn 18. An 18 is the highest you can go. He was the sexiest mutha in a fantasy game. He was Shaft, Thomas Magnum, and Captain James T. Kirk rolled all into one. It didn't help.

Now back to the game. So it started because we were tired from the Friday night Jerry Jerry show. Flip said that we needed to turn it up a notch and he remember the card drinking game that we played years before. So I said, "Hey you Sally four soft cocks, We can play low roll drinks." This is the moment that Jerry Dice was born.